Cheeky Coconut Smoothy Lo

Hmm.. the name Cladius I guess I could change to the more romantic Claudius. It was a rough name to describe a rough character. Though the general plays a larger ...

Most do know about PoV Aedomir. However, distinguishing the change in PoV is the hard thing. I'd devote a chapter to one point of view, as the style is not ...

Against 3. China invading Germany is just so not in the realm of 'believable'. It would be more one of China versus USA. That is a major issue right now, ...

Greenville. Watersbury. Waterford. Madison. Just some ideas of my own. Lustville is just a bad name for a town. It sounds like Brothel City. Don't do it. Huntsville... meh, matches ...

Prologues are allowed to be info dumps, since they are supposed to get a reader involved in the story, but I'll eliminate the beginning 'cliche' aspect. I'll just do info-dump ...

Hi everyone, here is a really short, but hopefully interesting prologue to one of my stories. The type of this prologue is one for background information to bring the reader ...

A lot of tense and poor word choice, some sentences seem to be changed as they were written. Examples: "Octa and Novan were stood side by side the latter of ...

Liz is correct the last line was not needed. I'd like to point out that there is no meter, its just running freely with the metaphor and while that may ...

I didn't really like this poem, while it was meant to be sad it did not give a good picture and while you tried to keep the meter, it was ...

This was not really good form and to take it as the journal of a prisoner recounting a story was just poorly done. I was thinking Lolita for a second, ...

I don't know why you write so many prologues if you never actually do any work or complete the stories, but again... this is the same cliche, boring and typical ...

Aside from WAY WAY too much use of I and my it is good. I suggest removing them all unless they are absolute necessary. No one should be saying my ...

Cliche story opening, but it doesn't seem like this is the start of a story that grabs the reader at. I didn't find myself wanting to continue on to another ...

This chapter was colder and not as grandiose as your earlier pieces. I see you manage to improve along the way, but this doesn't change the fact we are still ...

This needs work, and a lot of it. Please do not use symbols like 1/2 in the story. Give your dialog room and do not squish it together. Your characters ...